Welcome wonderful people!
This is the site for you to discover and connect with other humans like you! I spent much of my life feeling different from the people around me. Slowly over the course of my life, I realized (through movies and books mostly) that most of us feel different… so I concluded that feeling different (and sometimes alone) must be part of the human condition.
Let’s be different together.
My academic background is in Fine Art, Fairytales, and Mythology. That may not seem as though it encompasses introspection, but trust me studying cultures from a mythological perspective gives you a great opportunity to look at your own culture and your place in it. I hold a Ph.D. in Mythological Studies with an Emphasis in Depth Psychology from Pacifica Graduate Institute. That’s a fancy way of saying I study cultures and history and how these influence Western Psychology with an emphasis on the groundbreaking works of Jung, Von Franz, and Hillman. I also spent ten years in a Spiritual Community learning mediation, ritual, and personal growth. (It was a bit like a monastery but there were no rules against sex)
My adult experience has focused on my personal spiritual quest, moving through grief and loss, my mind-body connection, fairytales, and mythology–how these stories that were part of culture from long ago can inform us about who we are in the world today.
I don’t know where my interest in mythology came from but from a young age, I enjoyed stories, fantasy, and creativity. In my adult life, I found myself feeling lost and I decided to find a new direction – I decided to further my education. In my 20s I went to art school and focused on textiles, and though I grew creatively and emotionally in that experience I never figured out how to make art my career. Entering higher education in my late 30s I had the strongest impulse to study mythology. I didn’t even know if that was possible, but to my delight, it was! I enrolled in the Mythological Studies program at Pacifica Graduate Institute in Carpinteria California. And 5 years later I graduated with a PhD and a dissertation on fairytales and textile creation. Finally, I found a way to combine my art school experience with a historical cultural tradition–the fairy tale.
Mythology and fairy tales are both about a cultural past. In high school, I was never interested in History because it was all based on memorizing dates and large events, mostly wars, famines, and emigration. There was very little cultural context – I have since learned that is what the stories are for. Mythology and fairy tales give us glimpses into our cultural history, of ordinary life centuries ago, as well as the hopes and dreams of our ancestors.
I started this website because I love to write and share my thoughts. The thought that held me back from starting a website earlier is the voice of my inner critic “What makes you so special that anyone would want to read your thoughts?” Of course, that’s all based on fear, and the more I listen to podcasts, read blog articles, devour books, and watch films the more I see that most of us are afraid of something that will bring us joy. The brave thing is to go for it – come what may. We are all people trying to figure out how to live in this world and if everyone started a blog, made a film, or painted a picture to share their thoughts with the world–then the world would be a more beautiful and inclusive place. The more voices we have on the internet, the more accepting we are of our similarities and differences. I invite you to share yours with me and/or with the world.
Enjoy the site, enjoy the emotions that come up, and enjoy the life you are in.
~rachel 💛
“You have a right to be here.”
Simple sentence–layered meaning & gut-deep impact
Driving can be stressful for me. I often think “that person is annoyed with me” or “that car doesn’t like me (my driving)”
I’ll never know what other drivers on the road are thinking of me or if they are thinking anything of my driving and my ordinary grey car. But my insecure thoughts consume my inner dialogue and stuff my body with unease.
While driving up a narrow winding road with a large jeep-like car riding close behind me I eagerly search for a turn-off so that I can move out of big-angry car’s way. My hands tighten in frustration on the wheel and my shoulders pinch up together. I mutter under my breath, “Back off car, get off my butt.” My husband is used to my driving anxiety and the fact that I have to drive myself on winding roads because I will get massively motion sick if I am the passenger.
While I’m in my head and distracted by trying to make enormous-pushy car behind me happier, my husband says to me, “You have a right to be here. You have a right to drive the way you want.”
I breathe and pause in my thoughts. I see a turn-off and pull-in to stop. Large-jeep-like-bully car speeds past me and I breathe again. I look at my husband, “say that again.”
He repeats “You have a right to be here,” and he looks me in the eyes. “Don’t let anyone push you off the road, drive how you want.”
And with those few words, my thoughts and emotions change.
“I think you just changed my world. You’re telling me I have a right to be here; not just driving but in life.” I breathe.
He smiles huge.
Why am I here–writing…
Negative thoughts: What if everyone started a blog and shared their thoughts with the world? What makes you so special that you think anyone cares? You’re too late to start a blog–you’re always behind the rest of society and you’ll never catch up.
Boosting answers: That would be great if everyone stood up and said this is me by starting a blog or writing a song or making a film. The more honesty that is shared the better off we will all be–we will finally normalize the parts of being human that we try to hide. I am not special, I am unique because we are all unique and yet I know I am not alone. I am unique but all of me is human like you. I live on my time, I do not live on someone else’s timeline.
I’m writing because I can…
I’m writing because I want to…
I’m writing because it brings me joy and fulfillment…
Most important I’m writing about what I am interested in. All of my life I have felt separate and different from the culture around me. And I have learned that many people feel that way. What if that’s just a feeling? It’s not really that we are different–it’s a trick and the people who embrace it and push through that feeling win the prize of community.
When I was in my early 20s I went to a wonderful art school in Chicago. I have many fond memories of my time there but they’re all tinged with the overwhelming feeling that I didn’t belong. In high school, I didn’t belong and when I went to art school I thought, this is where I will find my people. But I didn’t. If I could influence the 20-year-old me I would tell her that belonging is not about other people and the environment. Belonging is about me and how I feel about myself. When I am insecure and unsure that’s when I feel most alone. When I am confident then I feel more relaxed and socializing is easier.
A recent example is my sister’s birthday party. There were about a dozen people all sitting around a large table, these were all people I knew. The conversation was mainly about topics that I had no input on: wine, road trips in California, real estate, etc. The wine was the predominant topic of conversation, discussing local vineyards and the wines they were all sampling. There’s nothing wrong with discussing wine, but since I don’t drink alcohol I had no input. At the end of the meal, I brought out the birthday cake I made. I had put some thought and effort into this cake and it looked and tasted fantastic. The conversation switched immediately to the cake and everyone had wonderful comments. I suddenly was animated and smiling. Finally, I feel like I’m part of the conversation–I can talk about food.
When I left the party I realized that I felt good at the end of the party because it was all about me and what I had contributed. I berated myself for being so self-centered. Why couldn’t I try to be more social for my sister’s sake? I could have chimed something into the earlier conversations. If I don’t have something to add I can ask questions. I kept thinking about the party over and over and all the things I could have done differently. It’s been a couple of years since that party and I still think about it. But now I think more about the feeling of belonging. I don’t think it’s self-centered that I only had something to contribute to the conversation when we were all talking about the cake I made. If someone else had brought a cake I would have engaged in that conversation also. The reason I felt more comfortable was not that it was about me, it was because we were engaging in something I am familiar with. I finally felt like I belonged.
Applying “You belong here”: I can say this to myself when I’m in uncomfortable situations where I feel out of place. If no one in your life has said this to you, then consider that I am saying it to you now. Because we all belong. I can see how these simple words with a deep impact can change the way I feel in small and large ways. All I need is to allow the idea of belonging–the idea becomes a feeling–the feeling grows and one day it becomes part of my personal story.